semester 1 grades

mine are crappy. or, as my mom says: "they're so bad you aren't going to get into a good college. you'll be stuck at De Anza or West Valley." ugh! i just wish i could prove her wrong. i wish i was able to say "no, i'm getting into my dream college and it'll be easy. because i work hard and i give school my all because i know what it means. i know it's my future, and that's why i care." too bad i can't. i did work hard, but i could've worked harder and be able to argue with her about this. but i can't. now i'm second guessing myself, afraid that i'm not going to make it to college. shoot, with these grades and California's budget cuts, i probably won't be able to.

chemistry: B+
AP history: B+
algebra 2: B
spanish 2: A
leadership: A+
english 2A: B+

and my chemistry and english B+'s were 89.somethings. if i had just tried THAT much harder i wouldn't have to be worrying so much. this sucks. i need to freaking stop messing around and get focused. dangit i wish i could go back to middle school days. i hate how fast life is going by. i hate worrying about the future. i just wish i could stay in the present forever.

i get the message

and now i'll be stopping. or trying to, anyways.

but maybe, hopefully, i'm just reading into things to much again. gosh, i'm hopeless!

it's the little things in life

that make us the absolute happiest.

the things like smiles, little waves, a nice "hello", and questions that seem like nothing, but really change just about everything.

i like those(:

GAME ON.

three day weekend

mine has been taken over by school. finals are this week and i'm going crazy. i need someone to just shake me and tell me to calm the freak down. i'm really scared i'm going to kill my grades. i'm not prepared for any of my finals, except for leadership where we aren't doing anything but preparing for sadies. speaking of which, i'm going without a date, so stop asking. hopefully it will be better than homecoming, where i felt completely out of place.

on the brighter side, this next weekend all i'm doing is studying for my permit test which i think i'm taking the first or second week of february. i'm pretty excited. i'm ready to drive, i think. but i'm really scared and nervous. my mom says that's a good thing, she says it means i'll be more alert. but i'm afraid that it'll make me more jumpy and therefore a bad driver. but i don't know, only time will tell. if anyone wants to help me study, give me a ring-a-ding-ding(:

whoa, i'm confused.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

to my best friend, Meera Narayanan. Today, at 7:51PM she turned 15. Yes, she's a youngin(: So, Meera, happy birthday! I love you!

Anyhow, I just finished watching the Sharks game. We won 6-5. Some people may think hockey is a hillbilly sport, but whatevs to that! It was quite the exciting game, there. They came out like BANG! Especially #29, Ryan Clowe, he was like a bull hitting that one guy on the Red Wings. And then when they were talking to Devin Setoguchi, "We can't let this team, the best team in the NHL, the momentum they need" and then Joe Thorton turns and says "We are the best team in the league." He shoulda been paying attention to the game, but it was funny, so i forgive him! Well, this is quite the boring blog here.

Finals next week. Woo. (that was a little bit of sarcasm for those of you who didn't catch that.) Good luck!

bleh

this week kind of sucks. for many reasons. but only one thing keeps coming to my mind, and i don't like it. i knew this was going to happen! i even said it was. but no, i was blinded by idk what it is; but i was blinded by you, your seemingly kind words, only to find out the real reason you talk to me. well, i'm still not sure, but i have a hunch. or maybe we just talked to much at the start, and now we've run out of things to say. if that's the case, i wish i hadn't talked so much. i wish we still talk like we did. eh, wtheck am i saying, i don't even know it was you saying all of that! we don't even actually TALK that much. eh, boys are dumb. but we already knew that(:

sucker for smiles

that phrase right there is one way to describe me. dangit! i can't get that dang smile out of my head. i think i'm mad and then i think of that stupid thing and i can't be mad. what the freak? i think there's something wrong with me. ha, just kidding. sorta.

oh speaking of sucker for smiles, check out Jennifer Chung's music on youtube or myspace. i was just looking around youtube and i found one of her songs and i can't stop listening! she's awesome.

have a great weekend!(:

the perfect boy

well i've been thinking. and i've been thinking hard. and i've finally got it. now trust me, i'm not trying to make anyone feel bad because this is not what they are or this isn't what they have. if that's the case, sorry. this is my dream guy. the ultimate. which, i know, chances are slim of me even meeting this boy. but that's why i call it a dream guy, the perfect boy; i don't even know if he exists.

make him tall, dark, handsome. he's himself around me and doesn't feel embarrassed about it. he gets me to come out of my shell and talk to him. actually TALK. and it's not like he forces me to, he just gets me to want to. he isn't the kind of guy that keeps something from me. if he really knows me, and he's my dream guy, he'll know that he can tell me anything and we'll work it out together. he's got a brain and he isn't afraid to show it. he doesn't try to pressure me into anything i don't want to do. he isn't cheesy all the time, but occasionally he does something uber cheesy, like in the movies, that is completely adorable. he understands me and likes to let me know.

eh, who am i kidding, a perfect boy doesn't exist. and that's okay. i'll meet a guy one day with many of these things, and more characteristics that i love about him. i'll meet him and i'll be happy. and that's all that matters.

the end.

by the way: who's going to sadies? i have to go for leadership, speaking of... buy your ticket tomorrow! with ASB it's $5, without it's $8. it's a one day blow out sale, next week it goes up! if your interested, we're selling after school tomorrow at the satellite kitchen near the E building. see you there!

happy new year!

late new year, anyway. i really had to sit down and think about my resolution. because this time, i want to keep it. and i want it to mean something. so therefore, i'm not going to tell anyone, at least not anytime soon. we'll see. and even though i don't like my resolution all that much, i am really going to try and keep it; if not for me, for my family. it's important.